Friday, June 29, 2007

"It looks like Wednesday night Beercans out there..."

So said the British commentator on VS as New Zealand wrecked spinnaker after spinnaker during race #5 of the America's Cup. What's the big deal? Those spinnakers only cost $27,000 a piece.

Here in Newport, we race Beercans on Thursdays...and I looked like anything but a Beercan racer as I cruised to my 2nd straight victory. I'll attribute 30% of my new found success to luck, 30% to my new set of eyes, and 40% to my superb crew (they have become better at sail trimming than the captain).

Directly behind my backstay, you can see two Shields off in the distance. I have never been this far ahead in a race...

The trick to taking a good picture of yourself, is to hold the camera up high...or so I've heard. Sevin shot this one of us:

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Step-wise therapy/treatment of post-Lasik dry eyes

(Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb)

1) Solicit your coworkers for sad stories. If you know the difference between comedy and tragedy, you will understand why this step will not work. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. (Coworkers: before you get mad at me, that is a Mel Brooks quote).

2) Stock up on preservative free Refresh Plus. Your ophthalmologist will likely recommend something thicker like Refresh Liquigel or Systane. Your ophthalmologist neither has dry eyes, nor has to stare at a computer all day; he does not understand that Refresh Liquigel and Systane are so thick that they will congeal on your eyes and make it impossible to see. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to wash off a glob of Systane with more Systane.

3) Fill that prescription for the potent immunosuppressant (previously used to prevent the rejection associated with organ transplantation). If you had done your reading ahead of time, you would have started this step one month prior to your Lasik procedure. (Have no fear about the immunosuppression; the mechanism of action of Restasis is actually: put something really gritty in your eyes, and they will have no choice but to water. You could probably accomplish the same thing by rolling around at the beach).

4) Have your opthalmologist plug up your tear ducts. No, really. You have two tear ducts on each side. Start with the lowers. (Your insurance company will probably want to make this step 3, and Restasis step 4).

5) Moisture chamber glasses!!! I was looking around for some pictures of these really cool goggles that spray mist on your eyes, and have windshield wipers (on the inside) so you can still see. However, all I can find are these gems. They're designed just to prevent evaporation. (I assume there is not much market for these among the post-Lasik crowd).

Friday, June 22, 2007

I hear some of you are sick of looking at my foot.

Well, I don't care. I am totally getting a pair of these. Maybe many pairs.
I really am number 1!!!!!!!!!!!

I better mirror that link, just in case I never win another race.

I had a whole bunch more to type, but I lost interest during the last 12 minutes while I listened to a man call me sir...then ask if I was a man or a woman...then proceed to call me ma'am...then tell me about how next week he will be ordering his Lipitor. I am never going to have those 12 minutes back.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

The complications of LASIK.

Made it through an entire week of showering with my eyes closed without dropping a can of shaving cream on my foot. I was not so fortunate on day 8. This picture of my well cleaned foot was taken after the bleeding had stopped. I am very happy to still have my little toe. Nico has terrible bedside manner, and nearly made me faint.

Still not cleared for sailing, tandeming, or running, so I let Nico drag me to do some very Nicole-esque things. I know the Getty is Nicole-esque because those goddamn purple dressed women in their goddamn red hats were there. Actually, they seem to follow me everywhere. I'm not sure how they know how to find me.

Here are some soothing pictures I took of the gardens at the Getty:

Darlin' don't you go and cut your hair.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Number of people left in the world calling me Doogie: 1

Actually, I never saw the resemblance...

To the real Doogie Howser: Happy Birthday.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I tell the same joke many different ways, but you never seem to get it...

While I try to remember the exact moment when everybody at my work turned into my sister.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Things you can do when you're not allowed to do anything you like to do.

1) Take pictures of things you like to do:

I believe this is day 2 of the First Team Invitational Regatta, as viewed from the Newport Beach Pier. I almost took a good picture. Now that I have such perfect vision, I have been thinking of buying a better camera. When I was at UCI, the guy I shared and office with (AKA: the Laziest Man in the World) bought a Leica M...I'm not sure how a resident (making 30K a year) affords a $5,000 camera; he actually ended up returning the thing and using the money to pay for LASIK...go figure.

2) Photograph some wildlife: Here is the last photo I took with the old eyes. It's from the new tram at the Wild Animal Park. I am not sure if the new tram is better or worse than the old certainly gets you closer to the animals (as evidenced by these giraffes that I could practically reach out and touch), but the elevation is so low, the view is frequently obstructed by fences, hills, and shrubs.

3) Go sailing on a fake boat. Screw you Dr. Brenner. (FYI: That "screw you" was clearly in jest. I have only nice things to say about Dr. Brenner. If you would like to read about ophthalmologists that I dislike, try clicking this link...and maybe this link). Here's me steering the Columbia. In my new Nautica jacket, I look quite the sailor.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I am living comfort eagle.

Okay, I don't quite have eagle vision, but I am 20/20 in my right eye (up from 20/200) and getting pretty close to 20/20 in my left eye (up from something worse than 20/200).

Notes for anybody considering LASIK:

1) LASIK is a little unpleasant.
2) 5 mg diazepam is not enough diazepam to make the procedure enjoyable.
3) If you are really jumpy (like the guy in the room next to me), you will get 30 mg diazepam.
4) The wonders of modern science do not allow you to stay in one bed while they move various lasers to you...instead, you must walk from one laser to the next (I suppose that might be difficult if you have taken 30 mg diazepam).

No sailing, bicycling, or running says Dr. Brenner. What else is there to do? Sit around and instill eye drops all day. My corneas better hurry up and heal.

Running for the last time in those heavy prescription sunglasses, here's me finishing the San Diego Marathon:

Thursday, June 07, 2007

If only my coworkers knew...

That the Louis Vuitton Cup is over, and that Luna Rossa (that's right, the Prada Boat) was eliminated in 5 races...

Not quite sure where I was going with that...some of them would probably like to buy the Prada Boat; it does, have a very large Prada logo on it. Everybody would know you had a Prada Boat.

Very disappointed in you BMW Oracle. If you have an unlimited budget, the best boat, and the best crew, you should be able do a little better than losing to the Prada Boat.

If you missed the LV cup, and have not gotten enough sailing, fear not, the America's Cup starts on June 23rd. Live on VS.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I suppose there are worse habits...

Spent the weekend in San Diego for Marathon #4.

I was surprised to learn: I am faster than 95% of female marathon runners...if only I were a 40 year old woman, I could run in Boston.

Sorry, too tired to write anything clever. If you haven't already, read about the previous runs here: #1, #2, #3.

Looks like I beat my previous best time by over 8 minutes. I always forget how difficult it is to finish a marathon in under 4 hours. I am now inspired. Go on, click that last link. Who's with me?