Dear Friends, Family, and coworkers:

It is with mild sadness that I tender my resignation, effective immediately. Although I have enjoyed working here at Maui Memorial, the schedule is no longer fitting my life. I have been considering becoming a night shift pharmacist for some time, but because so many people in Hawaii enjoy having their days off to go surfing, it has been difficult finding such a position without relocating. As the family and I don’t wish to move to the Mainland, I started thinking of other career options. And the closest thing I could come up with was graveyard pharmacist. That’s right, due to a recent uptick in the number of teenagers who are abusing embalming fluid (and drugs used in the embalming process), there is suddenly a huge demand for graveyard pharmacists. Our current plan calls for a few months of stocking up on formaldehyde and phencyclidine with a goal of opening Lasko’s House of the Dead Pharmacy at the end of October. I hope none of you will need my services this year. 

Michael B. Lasko, Pharm.D.