You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring

If there was ever a tree that was designed to live on an uninhabited island, it is most definitely the Kauri. A thousand years ago, they covered the top part of the country; but their wood was so well suited for building (and the land underneath so well suited for farming) that less than 5% of the original forest remains. Furthermore, Kauri roots are so sensitive that if you walk near one, the tree will die; and if they get exposed to Phytophthora taxon Agathis, a fungus that only likes Kauri trees, they die. (Here's a photo of Nico and Janice standing at a safe distance from Tane Mahuta.)





A couple of nights in a luxury tent in Kerikeri is a great way to enjoy the Bay of Island. A luxury tent is like a regular tent, except it has furniture and a refrigerator.


And there's a (rain proof) deck and a view.


Even Jancie didn't seem to mind roughing it.


When I have time, this post will continue with Waitangi and the Hellhole of the Pacific.

Dear Friends, Family and Colleagues,

It is with some sadness and much excitement that I tender my resignation, effective immediately. I have enjoyed living and working in New Zealand immensely, but have slowly realized:

1) Summers in Hawke’s Bay are too hot
2) Winters are not cold enough
3) There are just too many people here

With these three points in mind, and a strong desire to work in an underserved area, I have purchased the McMurdo Station Pharmacy. I have big plans for the business, and am hopeful that the favourable climate will allow me to fulfil my life long dream of running a pharmacy/ice cream parlour…the cost savings on refrigeration alone make this venture a no-brainer.

Michael B. Lasko, a Real Southern Man

[Letter to Wells Fargo]

RE Account: xxxxxxxxxx

Dear Sir or Madame,

I have been attempting to resolve this issue over the phone, but the return call I was supposed to be getting from a customer service supervisor has not yet arrived.

Briefly: please credit $58.33 to the above listed account and then close it. The account in question was set up to collect and distribute the assets from my late mother's estate. I suspect that due to the rather large sum of money contained in it at one time, your company changed it to a Portfolio Managed Account...once the money had been disbursed, it began accruing a $30 a month fee.

I would appreciate it if your company would stop calling to ask my deceased mother for $58.33. And my father would probably also appreciate it if you would stop calling him and asking for $58.33, as they have been divorced for over 20 years.

Thank you,

Michael B. Lasko

Yes, most definitely a hoax.

PS: I called this in 2006.

Interrogation at the US Consulate

Consulate Guy: Which one of you is the American?
Nicole: I am.
CG: Where did you go to high school in (looking at passport) San Bernadino?
Nicole: I didn't. My father was in the Air Force. I went to high school in Garden Grove.
CG: (Getting suspicious): What?
Nicole: Garden Grove High.
CG: (Now discovers my passport...wondering why the broad said she was the American) Michael, where did you go to college?
Michael: I went twice. UC Riverside, and Butler University, Indianapolis.
CG: We beat you. (Mutters some reference to having gone to UConn.)

Glaciers

When I was a child (or teenagerish), we took a trip to Canada and walked on a glacier. More correctly, we took a giant glacier bus to (and onto) a glacier, then we got out and walked on said glacier. It looked something like this:













New Zealand has a lot of glaciers. I don't know how many...and most of them are only accessible by helicopter or four day hike. But if you don't mind driving (a whole lot of driving), Fox Glacier and Franz Josef Glacier are both easy to get to. Remarkably, there are no giant glacier buses in New Zealand. I say remarkably because this country seems to love highly specialized automotive machinery (and we have the Antarctic Research HQ). [Aside: this country also loves using farm equipment for less specialized automotive uses.


But I digress. After your long drive, you can walk to within a couple hundred metres of either glacier. If you want to walk on the ice, it is required (or maybe not required, but there are several warnings that you will die) to go with a guided tour (around $100 a person for a half day). If you have a little more cash, you can take a helicopter that will land on the ice and let you walk around. And if you are insane, you can jump out of a plane from above either glacier.














This is Fox Glacier from near the sky diving pick up site:














This is about as close as you can get to Fox Glacier without paying for a guide:














It was dark and stormy when we visited Franz Josef Glacier:

Ferry I and II

When the weather is cooperating, there is no way to describe the beauty of the Marlborough Sounds. So instead, here are a few photos (on the way to the South Island) taken with the Pentax.















On the way back to the North, the weather was even better. Unfortunately, I left my real camera in the car and had to shoot with the ipod...fortunately, the wider angle allowed me to capture even better scenery.

Might I present:

יָפֶה אֶרְאֶלָּה בַּתּ מִיכָאֵל בִּנְיָמִין

Culture Shock

About a year ago, some American visitors asked me about culture shock, specifically if I had experienced any. All I could come up with at the time was: "We heat our house with a wood burning fireplace..." In itself, this fact probably does not really represent culture shock, though if you try to discuss heating/insulation/house building with a local, then maybe it does qualify.

Anyway, we're going on two years now, and I think I now have a pretty good list (in my head) of shocking items. Well, not very shocking, but at least a little interesting. I will probably add to this post over time, so feel free to check back.

1) Documentation in patient notes. Example from a respiratory physician (who is not called a pulmonologist in NZ): "She denies much in the way of sputum production with less than an egg cup full of sputum daily which she describes as white and occasionally creamy."

You can learn so much about the culture from this sentence...most notably that people eat eggs out of egg cups here. [I only know what an egg cup is from hotel breakfasts in Europe.] Also, in case you hadn't noticed, people tend to be more polite in NZ as compared to the US; or at least they look and sound more polite to my ear (and eyes)...

2) Dining Out. At first glance, restaurants in New Zealand seem very expensive. But when you consider that tax is included in all prices and that tipping is unnecessary, restaurants in New Zealand are only a little expensive. Furthermore, very good restaurants are about the same price as mediocre restaurants. Case in point: Saffron, usually considered the best restaurant in the Queenstown area, and Sombreros Mexican Cantina...which would not pass for Mexican even in Indianapolis. I guess that's not a great example as you can eat for less than $25 at the Mexican restaurant, and you're looking at >$35 at Saffron; but hopefully you get the idea.

The culture shock comes when you are done eating and waiting for the bill. It will never come. [Except in very touristy areas like Queenstown where they are used to Americans expecting a bill to be brought to the table.] The reason a bill will never come is because 1) nobody in NZ caries cash--ATM cards are king, and a PIN must be entered at the cash register and 2) nearly every table is going to want its bill split into several parts--and this is best handled at the cash register. [I should probably type some sort of aside on dining out with friends in NZ...and someday I will. For now, let's leave it at: Don't pick up a check at dinner, and don't expect anyone else to, either.]

The best things in life are free

Americans: I know you are used to being able to spend your money everywhere you go, but do not count on being able to do that in New Zealand. Fortunately, there are money changers everywhere, including the airport(s). Using a money changer is usually a little cheaper if you're changing >$500 NZ (around $400 US), but they are still expensive (especially at the airport).

Instead, I would recommend bringing an ATM card and a credit card. Just about everybody accepts credit cards, but it is a good idea to have some cash for those that don't. I would strongly suggest that you ask your bank and/or credit card issuer how much it will cost to use their card here before leaving home.

Last I checked, you can use a Bank of America ATM card at Westpac ATMs at no charge. USAA should allow you to use any ATM for a 1% transaction fee.

Visa and Mastercard charge you a 1% transaction fee for all credit card purchases made outside the US. The credit card issuer will likely charge you something on top of this. If you have a USAA card, you will pay just the 1% Mastercard fee. Capital One is even better: they will cover the 1% charged by Mastercard/Visa...and if you have a cash back card, you can turn a profit of the transaction.