Farewell email to coworkers

(Alternative title: Movin' on up [up the stairs, if nothing else])

My friends:

It is with mixed emotions (really mostly sadness, except one of you will probably forward this email to Rich, so I can’t write “mostly sadness”) that I announce my abrupt relocation to a new position upstairs.

These last few years, I have enjoyed working with all of you as much as it is possible to enjoy work (unless we’re talking about international wine critic Robert Parker…I am certain he likes his job more than I do mine).

All extended lunch requests will be approved (until 12/31/08) for anyone wishing to dine with me.

Democracy in Action II

Alternative title: "I'm riding the bullet train to your central nervous station"

Alternative, alternative title: "Do you people realize we don't have twenty billion dollars now? Do you people realize we won't have twenty billion dollars in twenty years?"

Some notable propositions that passed (or appeared to be passing at press time)...in no particular order:

Proposition 8 (Same Sex Marriage Ban). Note to fellow straight people who voted for Proposition 8: Why do you care? [After re-reading that sentence, it may be interpreted that I was writing to: "fellow straight people who voted in favor of Proposition (like me)", when in fact I was writing to "fellow straight people (like me) who voted in favor of Proposition 8 (unlike me). I would like two important things to be clear: 1) I am straight and 2) I am not going to be the guy telling my grandchildren about how I once voted for segregated drinking fountains.]

Proposition 8 (continued). Note to gay people who voted against Proposition 8: Why do you want to get married? You all have a good thing going: No divorce attorneys, no alimony...someone please explain it to me.

Proposition 1A (High Speed Bullet Train). Sure, I'd like to be able to get to the City in 2 hours...restaurants in SoCal suck; and I am absolutely all in favor of better public transportation...but, just because bonds do not feel like real money, does not mean we don't have to pay for this stuff (twice as a matter of fact, if you include the interest). Also, by the time the thing is finished in 20+ years, 2 hours is going to seem like a really long time to get anywhere.


Proposition 2 (Standards for Confining Farm Animals). Okay, I really don't care about this one either, but I really wanted an excuse to type: "Buenas dias los pollos locos", which I'm hoping means: "Hello crazy chickens", only in Spanish, because all our chickens and/or chicken eggs will be coming from Mexico.

I still think America's great

Elections Day Freebies:

1) 12 Oz coffee at Starbucks
2) Scoop of ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s (5-8pm)
3) Red, white and blue sprinkled doughnut from Krispy Kreme

Interestingly, Starbucks and Krispy Kreme were going to require proof that you had voted, but it turns out this is illegal [you can't "pay" someone to vote], so all you have to do is show up and ask.

A coworker pointed out that I had left off: #4 Flu Shots (today being flu shot day)...these are really only free in the sense that my desk chair or computer is free, but it does beat paying a nurse to stick a needle in me.

PS: My arm hurts.

I Wish I Was In Tijuana

(Alternative title was: "Don't Box Me In", which is entirely more appropriate, but nobody except a roomful of 50 year old men at a Stan Ridgeway concert would get).

I know I promised there would be no more photos of the author, but I have not worn a Halloween costume since I was 15. If you call me and a couple of friends putting on trench coats and telling people we were the Ramones a costume, that is...yeah, I know, the Ramones didn't wear trench coats. I vaguely remember someone applying shaving cream to a stranger's front door, and then the stranger, who turned out to be an LA County Sheriff, chased us around for a while...

Anyway, the pole dancers to my left (your right as you are looking at the picture) won 1st place, and I came in second (as a bottle of Vicodin). The "Desperate Housewife" to my right was third. If you're wondering why your prescription drugs cost so much, it's because 2nd place paid $50 out of the petty cash box. I think I would have beaten the strippers, but I decided early on in the costuming process that I would be showing no skin. [Original plans called for me to wear the vial and nothing else...which would have been fitting given our current economic conditions.]



The prize money almost paid for dinner at the Coach House, where Nico and I saw Stan Ridgeway. I was planning on being a bottle of Viagra for the concert (the prescription label is replaceable), but the costume was pretty uncomfortable. Also, outside of my work place, dressing up as a prescription vial really is not that funny.

People like crap II

That is the only possible explanation for why nobody watched Arrested Development while Two and a Half Men is still on the air.

On that note, I have a new personal record to report: I made it through 17 minutes of Kath and Kim. To be fair, I ran 14 miles shortly before collapsing on the couch, and was unable to lift my arm to find the remote to surf over to CNN. [I know you're looking at me Anderson.] If my math is correct, I would have to run 24.7 miles to watch an entire episode.

Democracy in action

Propositions that did not qualify for the November 4th California ballot:

1335. (08-0002, Amdt. #1S) Bans Abortion of Viable Fetus Unless Necessary to Save Mother’s Life. Declares God Creator of Life. Constitutional Amendment and Statute. FAILED to Qualify.

1336. (08-0004) Bans Human Embryonic Stem Cell Research. Criminal Penalties. Constitutional Amendment and Statute. FAILED to Qualify.

1337. (08-0005) Bans Activities Defined as “Human Cloning.” Criminal Penalties. Constitutional Amendment and Statute. FAILED to Qualify.

1341. (08-0009) Marijuana Legalization. Individual Rights. Constitutional Amendment. FAILED to Qualify.

1342. (08-0010, Amdt. #2NS) Redevelopment Areas. Limitations on Using Property Tax to Secure Debt. Statute. FAILED to Qualify.

08-0015 "California Nonpartisan Primary Initiative." ADDED to Initiatives Pending at the Attorney General's Office.

1346. (08-0014) Legislators' Terms in Office. Campaign Contributions and Junkets. Initiative Constitutional Amendment. ADDED to Initiatives in Circulation.

Autumn in California

Alternative title was: "If you want your house to look bigger, buy a really short surfboard"

I am pretty sure that this is a picture of me. I am also pretty sure that there are way too many pictures of me on this blog...after today, no more pictures of me. [As you can see, I have grown quite proficient at surfing in one foot waves.]


In other news, I officially have no where to store a surfboard.

Dolphins to the left, dolphins to the right...

(Alternative title was: "I'd have a really cool picture of me surfing with dolphins, had Nicole not stolen my camera.")

We've had a week of negative tides here in the OC. [A negative tide is a somewhat rare occurrence that causes "sea level" to be below sea level.] During a very low negative tide, you walk about 3 quarters of the way to the end of the pier without getting your feet wet...and probably to the end without getting very deep.


On Tuesday, I took the opportunity to run a few miles on the hard packed (usually underwater) sand. I was treated to a pod of 8 or 10 dolphins frolicking around in the waves; Yesterday, I was surprised to see that a couple of them were still around. They were far more interested in catching fish than paying attention to spectators on surfboards.


*All photos are historical stock.

Life, Death...

Here's a neat little table I stole from CNN:

A picture is worth something something...

You can tell how the market is doing just by looking at the start page of cnn. [Hey Guy #2: Don't look so happy, you're still down 20%.]