I tell the same joke many different ways, but you never seem to get it...

While I try to remember the exact moment when everybody at my work turned into my sister.

Things you can do when you're not allowed to do anything you like to do.

1) Take pictures of things you like to do:


I believe this is day 2 of the First Team Invitational Regatta, as viewed from the Newport Beach Pier. I almost took a good picture. Now that I have such perfect vision, I have been thinking of buying a better camera. When I was at UCI, the guy I shared and office with (AKA: the Laziest Man in the World) bought a Leica M...I'm not sure how a resident (making 30K a year) affords a $5,000 camera; he actually ended up returning the thing and using the money to pay for LASIK...go figure.

2) Photograph some wildlife: Here is the last photo I took with the old eyes. It's from the new tram at the Wild Animal Park. I am not sure if the new tram is better or worse than the old tram...it certainly gets you closer to the animals (as evidenced by these giraffes that I could practically reach out and touch), but the elevation is so low, the view is frequently obstructed by fences, hills, and shrubs.


3) Go sailing on a fake boat. Screw you Dr. Brenner. (FYI: That "screw you" was clearly in jest. I have only nice things to say about Dr. Brenner. If you would like to read about ophthalmologists that I dislike, try clicking this link...and maybe this link). Here's me steering the Columbia. In my new Nautica jacket, I look quite the sailor.

I am living comfort eagle.

Okay, I don't quite have eagle vision, but I am 20/20 in my right eye (up from 20/200) and getting pretty close to 20/20 in my left eye (up from something worse than 20/200).

Notes for anybody considering LASIK:

1) LASIK is a little unpleasant.
2) 5 mg diazepam is not enough diazepam to make the procedure enjoyable.
3) If you are really jumpy (like the guy in the room next to me), you will get 30 mg diazepam.
4) The wonders of modern science do not allow you to stay in one bed while they move various lasers to you...instead, you must walk from one laser to the next (I suppose that might be difficult if you have taken 30 mg diazepam).

No sailing, bicycling, or running says Dr. Brenner. What else is there to do? Sit around and instill eye drops all day. My corneas better hurry up and heal.

Running for the last time in those heavy prescription sunglasses, here's me finishing the San Diego Marathon:

If only my coworkers knew...

That the Louis Vuitton Cup is over, and that Luna Rossa (that's right, the Prada Boat) was eliminated in 5 races...


Not quite sure where I was going with that...some of them would probably like to buy the Prada Boat; it does, have a very large Prada logo on it. Everybody would know you had a Prada Boat.

Very disappointed in you BMW Oracle. If you have an unlimited budget, the best boat, and the best crew, you should be able do a little better than losing to the Prada Boat.

If you missed the LV cup, and have not gotten enough sailing, fear not, the America's Cup starts on June 23rd. Live on VS.

I suppose there are worse habits...

Spent the weekend in San Diego for Marathon #4.

I was surprised to learn: I am faster than 95% of female marathon runners...if only I were a 40 year old woman, I could run in Boston.

Sorry, too tired to write anything clever. If you haven't already, read about the previous runs here: #1, #2, #3.

Looks like I beat my previous best time by over 8 minutes. I always forget how difficult it is to finish a marathon in under 4 hours. I am now inspired. Go on, click that last link. Who's with me?

Speaking of elective surgery...

Do you think the American Society of Plastic Surgeons has anything to do with this warning on my box of Kleenex? (Actually, to be correct, it is Nicole's box of Kleenex).

It is a violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling. Use only as a facial tissue.

I think I better end the post here.

How come everyone I know is about to have a baby? Or is that "everyone I know is about to have babies"?

Am I the only one who has read this important baby literature?

In 1980 as well as 2000, childless couples were generally happier than those with children. The study didn't explore how children or the absence of them may contribute to the stability of marriages.

Update: After typing this, I headed over to thingnamer.com, only to discover that Tate and Sarah have moved out of the "about to have a baby" category, and into the "just had a baby category". I am too lazy to retitle this post: "How come everybody I know has just had a baby, or is about to have a baby?"

Congratulations to the new parents. Give us a few days notice before you open anything good...

I do not like the new soap in the men's restroom.

I am sure I am not alone, and the thought that other people might share my dislike of the new soap is frightening. You see, according to a study conducted by our clinical department, only 30% of subjects using the men's room wash their hands...and that study was conducted with the old (less greasy) soap. Sadly, this study likely suffered from observational bias. (The subjects are more likely to wash their hands when they know they are being watched). Sadder still, one can only assume that even fewer persons will be washing their hands with the new(less agreeable) soap.

Yes, I plan to continue washing my hands.

Yes, I am at work today.

No, work is not busy today.

So I married a chicken.

My father, the magician, used to have a large library of magic and magic related books. He probably still does have a large library of magic and magic related books, though I have absolutely no time to devote to any additional hobbies, so that point is moot. Back to the topic at hand: I never became a very good magician, mostly because I was more interested in knowing how the tricks (illusions, says Gob) were done, rather than actually being able to do them.

But those magic related books...by the age of 13, I was quite an accomplished juggler, and an aspiring hypnotist. My hypnotizing skills never advanced much; quite possibly because hypnosis is a hoax...or so I had thought, until I discovered that the sleeping Nicole is open to the power of suggestion. I have been able to make her cluck on demand for several months, and she has recently begun work on a chicken symphony. Waking Nicole is not so open to suggestion, and does not believe that sleeping Nicole has such a fondness for clucking. For your listening pleasure, I shall post a recording here...just as soon as the chicken symphony is done.

Gripe of the day...

(Alternate title was: "The ferry came"...but I couldn't decide on the spelling of ferry.)



It now costs $1 to ride the Balboa Island Ferry. If you want to take your bicycle on board, that will run you an extra 25 cents. If you have a tandem bicycle, those sneaky ferry operators will do their best to charge you for two bicycles.

Did I mention this thing only goes 300 feet? (Maybe that's 300 yards?) Either way, for $2.50, I think I'll build my own boat and paddle across. Nico, you with me?